artificially.BROKE

FUCK THIS.

im hungry

Ambers on her way back to this Depressing room.

& im still not happy.

i think being able to get this loan or not is whats fucking me up in the dome.

I need to go to summa skool.

like N E E D; its a must.

but also coming up with this money to move in this house.

im just stressed. and i feel like i'm getting no support.

from the people i need. cause amber is always there. so im not talking about her.

anyways.

i hate asking people for things. especially when i don't talk to them for a while.

feels like im using them.

i just hate MY[self] .

i have to go.

on blogspot i just feel like i can be me since there isnt any competition.

there isnt; "who has the must followers" or "who gets the most reblogs"

on here it truly is just; whatever you want. whatever you like.

taking that...

& r u n n i n g (with it).

idk . it just feels so weird on here.

since i havent been for so long.

BUT Tumblr is acting stupid and i just really wanna blog right now.

i don't remember what i wanted to say but whatever, i just needed to do that.

wow. it says my last post was published Dec. 19, 2009.

havent posted on here for over a year. wow.

tumblr just came & basically took over.

but im on here cause i cant vent the way i want to on tumblr.

took many ppl have it. well too many ppl i know.

& even tho, this my internet diary, i know that

ppl wont see it. and if they do, they wont care.

but i basically i hate facebook.

amber is mad at me.

and im hating myself right now so badly.

im NOT EVER getting on FB again.

amber is a bitch, that makes me cry

and everything that happens is HER fault.

yep. im blaming her.

and i dont know what to do with myself.

im just gonna go watch SVU with mommy.

maybe that will take my mind off things.

ill be back tho.

-Commercial BREAK-

i am taking a quick break from blogger.

Ill be a tumblr for a while.
leaveit2beaver.tumblr.com
come visit me.

no worries tho.
i WILL be back shortly.

&&
I Need Another Fix.

IDK. =/

i seen this and i thought this was so cute.
im high.
& they just look like balls of fluff;
that i wanna cuddle & go to sleep with.
shrug.
stupid right?
i know it is.

fuck offf.

"Don't be so quick to judge me.
You only see what i choose to show."

Also...

i could use:
a printer
dr. martens
& money.

so I can pick what i want.
i really wanna treat myself to a tattoo.
:]

All I Want For Jesus Birthday

A camera & some really cool glasses.
♥

i know i dont have any followers that are looking foward to what i have to say
but i just miss it.

sooo here i am.
& i have absolutely nothing to say.
ONLY: that im still here.
I havent forgotten
& i will be back soon.

Photo Shoot.

ok ; well not really but theres this picture that me & korey-amber took.
i just think the picture is sexy
maybe cause its me thats in it. but either way, i strongly like it.

im just hawt sex.
DO ME.

& Neglection

i feel like i havent been doing what i am supposed to be doing on here.
I used to be on this religiously.
posting pics, tlkn, typing about absolutely nothing.

now i dont do shit on here.
& its making me upset.
Even though i know people arent really reading this.
i still feel like ive been neglecting my blog.

but ummm; that will change.
seriously.

i miss this .
writing what i feel with no objections.
no critisism, or judgement.
being creative; weird; different.

Just Freeeeee; :)

but anyways
im justing saying.

laterrrrr.

Sooo....

I've finally made up my mind.

=]

BFFFL!

BEST FUCKING FRIEND FOR LIFE!

she'll be here on friday.
she's gonna spend the whollllle weekend with me.
cant wait.

♥

Update?

its beeeeeeen a good minute since i been on this thing.
shame; shame; shame on me.
but i havent really had any i-net service or anything.

butt umm anyways; i would fill people in; but theres just sooooo much.
i like my skool . its pretty cool. the people are good. blah; blah.
alllll that stuff, yes the boys are fine, cute girls too. ;]
no relationships, just fucking. HA! just kidding.

This post is more like an update of whats been going on in my life.
Nothing really important i'm glad i have the internet now
cause i was gettingn restless with nothing to do.

but im gonna be on here more regularly,
like how i been doing.

but ummm, im being bored just sitting here writing this.
soooo i know reading it has to be just as bad.

k.bye.

Let's Get Nasty

The 8th Year

& i miss her.
sometimes its still hard to believe:
shes no longer here.

its crazy;
cause when she died i was going to the fifth grade.
& now here i am, entering college. & it still hurts.
i feel weird, cause im writing this like
i knew her personally.
well maybe i kinda did, through her music.

i remember i use to cry at night.
& i use to be mad at her.
cause she got on the plane when they told her not to.
she couldnt wait one more day?
& it made me even more mad:
cause they said they plane she was orginally
supposed to be on, cause like 20 minutes later.

WOMP.
im kinda rambling.

But anyways;
ha! i use to tell ppl that my name was Aaliyah.
lol.
even when she was alive.
but yeah;
this is just a dedication to her:
i love you & miss you.
A&F.

how can you love someone you didnt know?
shrugs. but i do.

R.I.P.

Aaliyah Dana Haughton

January 16, 1979- August 25, 2001

Sister, Sister

From:

To:

its just special.

& i was JUST thinking about you.

♥

Deprived of MIND

seeing someone you love & know soo well
just.....forget.
forgetting their kids; their family.
forgetting their name,
even forgetting something as simple as; using the bathroom.

i dont cry; to stay strong for my crying mother.
while her mother is lost.
Lost in her own mind. Too far gone to ever come back.
Too ever be found again.

Non-responsive to anothers touch.
Anothers voice. Anothers smile.
Searching her hands for something that was NEVER there.
old age. weight loss. no teeth.
But she still has her warm touch,
& thats what I love about HER.

I allow the pain, sadness, and tears to build up
until Night comes. Waiting for The darkness to cover me with its blanket
silently, i just...breakdown. This becomes my secret.
Only letting the dark see my tear stained cheeks.
& it will remain a secret, until SHE;
finds her way back to what she knows is familar.

shes gone.
& even though she's still here.
she's never coming back.

Dementia is a prison;
that has her locked up.
my Grandmother is the victim